I guess it started with the panic attack.

I had never had a panic attack, but there I was at work and suddenly, it was like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t draw a full breath and I was jittery. I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

It wasn’t long after that I decided to put the blog on hiatus. I was constantly feeling like I couldn’t breathe when I was at work. And yes, there were a lot of things to be stressed about, but no more than usual. I thought maybe I could deal with the job stuff if I wasn’t putting pressure on myself to post here every day.

Then, it got worse. I was unhappy at work. I cried more times than I care to admit. My boss gave me a two week unpaid leave of absence, hoping the break would help. However, at this point, it was no longer just work. I was miserable, period.

I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and each time I tried, I couldn’t hold onto the conversation. I wanted to sleep all the time. If I hadn’t had to go back to work, I’m pretty sure I would have simply laid in bed and done nothing. That mental state made my job much harder.

I hid out at my best friends’ place, and I sought solace with a coworker who is fast becoming one of my favorite people. These respites were a blessing, but they weren’t going to solve the bigger issue.

So now I’m on a low dose of an antidepressant. It seems to be helping. I’m not as stuck in my own head as I was. I’m not really happy, either. I’m just…here. Existing.

I don’t feel that I’m ready to come back to blogging full-time. I miss writing, though. I’m still keeping up with the 2025 playlist because I owe that to all the musicians out there, and I just updated my reading challenge. (I hadn’t done that since May.)

In other news, my birthday is this week! My best friend is going to spoil me with dinner and painting and horror movies and swimming. We’re gonna get dolled up when we go out; I bought a new dress and everything!

I hope this post finds all of you well, and I hope I’ll get motivated to start blogging again soon. Maybe seeing Carbonstone in September will help with that…